Relaties en gezondheid ...

11 april 2007

Relaties en gezondheid ...

Je zou het niet verwachten maar er zijn waarschijnlijk weinig dingen zo goed voor de gezondheid als een vaste relatie. Mensen die samenwonen of getrouwd zijn, leven gemiddeld enkele jaren langer dan alleenstaanden ook als rekening wordt gehouden met inkomen, opleiding en gedrag dat gezondheidsrisico's oplevert, zoals roken.

In een onderzoek in een Londen’s ziekenhuis, vijf jaar geleden, bleken alleenstaanden minder snel te genezen dan mensen met een vaste partner.

Alleenstaanden plegen vaker zelfmoord, werkloze alleenstaanden raken vaker aan de drank,

alleenstaande studenten raken vaker aan de drugs, en alleenstaanden in het algemeen hebben vaker wisselende seksuele contacten en natuurlijk niet altijd op een veilige manier.

En voor singles is er nog een uitkomst.
Het boek “leren gelukkig te worden van alleen zijn”. Psychiater Anthony Storr, de auteur van het handboek, vertelt dat de psychologische wereld het belang van de relaties altijd zwaar heeft overschat.

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One day a hawk and a lady bug were out enjoying the warm sun and an afternoon's flight.

The sky was blue and the Hawk circled high in the sky singing hawk. From a distance, he could see lady bugs flying from plant to plant.

The lady bugs were flying and the sun was reflecting on their brilliant metallic orange bodies with black spots on them.

One Lady Bug seemed different from all the others. She looked like she was basking in the sun. She looked like she was experiencing enchantment while all others were just so busy being busy.

This Lady Bug was listening to the music of hawk song. As hawk song became louder and louder the lady bugs flew to hiding, all, except one. She did not move but listened to hawk song and watched Hawk's descent from the blue sky until the sky almost seemed to be filled with him.

At Hawk's landing, a blushing eye contact was made. There were no words immediately just a peaceful observation of each other.

"Were the other lady bugs your friends," he asked?
"Yes," she said.

"Where have they gone and why did they leave you," Hawk asked?
"They were afraid," she said.

"Afraid!.. Afraid of what? Of me," he asked?
"Yes, they are afraid of you. When they heard your song they feared and they took refuge," she said.

"Are you afraid of me," he asked?
"Yes, I am a little but I see no need to run. If you wanted to harm me, we would not be talking," she said.
She went on to say, "it must be really lonely for you always flying alone and singing alone?"

"Lady Bug, what makes you think I am lonely," he asked? "Because I have watched you before and listened as you sang your song. Sometimes I have even sang to you but I was sure you could not hear me," she told him.

"It is your song that I am hearing. Your song does not sound like lady bug song. It sounds like hawk song I have heard before," he said.

"Where did you learn it," he asked?
"I can not tell you that just now but I hope the time will come that I can tell you where I learned the song I sing.
I am glad you heard it," she said.

"You are right," he told her, "it is lonely and many are afraid of me. They call me names that really are more suited to the humans. They call me predator but there is no predator like the human. Everywhere they go they kill and when they are not killing some of us, they are killing each other.

We, of the hawk dominion, can never let our guard down because if we do for a minute, we find them hunting us with stones that fly in the air at great speeds and make us fall to the ground. Yes, it is lonely and so I sing and fly and hope that someone will fly with me and sing with me and share adventures with me."

Lady Bug told him, "I can fly with you sometime if you like, but I can not fly as high or as fast as you.I can not even see as far as you."
"You would fly with me? No one as beautiful as you would fly with me," he said.
"I would," she said, "I would love to fly with you."

As the two look deep into each other eyes, the Hawk leans down and Lady Bug climbs his feathers to her perch.

"Hold on, Lady Bug. We are going to the sky," he told her.

For hours the Hawk and the Lady Bug soar as they walk the sky. They sing with joy and feel excitement. Neither speaks but both are enraptured of the moment.

Two who are very different in this moment do not seem different at all. Surrendered to the moment, love is known. The hours pass. The sun goes down. The moon comes up and their image is cast upon the moon as shadow. Neither has spoken a word when the Hawk thinks he is being selfish. It is all so good.

Thought is suspended because of the right presence. It is time he must take Lady Bug home.

She says to him, "So soon? Must you take me back so soon"? "I thought you might be getting tired and I did not want to seem so selfish, though in truth, I do not recall when I have been happier.
I do not want to take you home at all.
I would be pleased if this moment did not have to end.
What I would really like to do is watch you fly, listen to you sing, listen to you tell me of your hopes and dreams," he said.

"Are you sure you are a hawk," she asked?
"Yes, Lady Bug, I am a hawk," he told her.

"What will your friends say when they find out you spent the day with me?" he asked. "I have known my own joy today with you. I do not care what they say. They have not flown where you have shared with me," she said.

She went on to say, "I do not want to return but I probably should. Will you come for me again? Do you think we could be friends?", she asked.
"I would love that," he said. "When can I see you again?", he asked.

"How soon would you like to see me again?", she asked.
"Only moments from now. There is something I must do, but I can come for you again in two hours," he told her.

"Come back for me then in two hours.
I will be ready and meet you right here.
If you really want to be with me, show me the gift of your kiss when you return," she said.
"I know you need some private flight time now to think and sing," she said.

He said to her as he took flight, "It will be as you wish."

And with that the Hawk took to the night sky exciting the wind behind him as he ascended. Lady Bug blushed and went to tell her friends. When she arrived and told them all that she had done, they reported her to their elders.

They refused to allow her to consider seeing this dangerous predator again and putting their village at risk.
As time began to run out and fearing she would leave, lady bug was restrained by the elder named Conventional Rule.

The second restraining elder was the Guardian of Tradition. They bound Lady Bug. "He will come for me," she said, "he will come." When the Hawk returned, he did not see Lady Bug and began to wonder if everything was all right.

After waiting and waiting, he came to the conclusion that she was not going to be returning to fly with him. He looked to the sky and said thanks for the time they had spent together. As he lifted again to climb the sky in a very slow spiral, he began to sing.

Lady Bug could hear the Hawk's song and began to sing herself. This time the Hawk knew it was her. He could hear her song. He landed in her village and called for her.

In fear of destruction, the elders of Convention and Tradition offered Lady Bug to the Hawk if he would agree not to destroy their village.

In a loud voice, he said, "NO.

I have made a friend today and I will not allow you to shame her like this. I have learned today that you have lived in fear of me.

You fear what you do not know," he said. Hawk continues, "who among you recalls how many times I have ever sought to harm any of your families and tribes. Your fears are unfounded and yet I know, most fear what they do not know. If we could talk, you might discover ways that we could help each other that would make for a beneficial friendship. Who you should be afraid of are the crawling things and the small birds, but they will not harm you if they are given notice that we have entered into relationship."

"Let Lady Bug be with me because it is her choice. She has a heart to fly and to fly high. She is different from you and so you punish her and treat her poorly because she does not accept your ways of limitation," he says.

"Should she be punished or loved for who she is," he asks?

"I have chosen to love her because she has loved me without judgment. She has welcomed me, accepted me, and caused me to feel good again about who I am. For that I am thankful and in awe of her beauty," he said.

"Come, Lady Bug, let us fly," he calls to her. On her approach, she asks, "Aren't you forgetting something?" As he leans down to kiss her, Lady Bug is transformed into a beautiful lady hawk and the Hawk is never lonely anymore.

They fly together high in the sky. They love each other and sing hawk song together. If you listen closely now, you can hear their song of love as they dance the sky and keep a watchful eye.

Because of their watch, the village of the ladybugs is always safe.

Haviksogen - Ubi nihil est quod scribas, id ipsum scribitio

11 april 2007

Relaties en gezondheid ...

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